Hairology 101

Going bald during chemotherapy is only the beginning of the cruel joke.  The punch line is when your hair starts to grow back and it is someone else's hair!  Where did these curls come from? Why does my hair now have a wave in it? What is with this thick dry texture? 

I used to have long, straight, silky hair.  Now, I have this thick wavy mop I do not recognize.  I have no idea what to do with it!  I realize this is really nothing to complain about, I mean, who doesn't want a nice head of hair? The problem is, I spent the past 47 years working with my old hair, learning it's nuances, finding out what it needed, and what cut it preferred.  

Over the past 3 years I have stared into the mirror, mouth agape, as this foreign hair flows from my scalp like some kind of alien.  I take brush and hairdryer in hand like a pro only to have it do the complete opposite of what I need it to do.  The harder I try to get the wavy parts to lie flat, they stick out even more just to spite me! I try to get my part on the side, it flips right back to the center and I swear it is mocking me! I have even gone the way of hair product, which I never needed before, to try and tame these coiled locks. Waste of money.  Spackling paste would do a better a job.

Initially I began asking everyone I could about this phenomenon, and the answers were all the same..."Oh that is normal, it will get back to your old hair in a few months!" While it is no longer "chemo-curls," that kinky curly or perm-like stuff, the wavy thick mass has stuck around like a bad habit.  So I soldiered on and let it grow out just past my shoulder blades. Yes, the curls turned into waves once the hair got heavier, but now I had what resembled a sort of bird's nest carpet! It literally bounced when I walked, and not like those pretty models you see in shampoo commercials either!  

As if the hot flashes were not enough, now this hornet's nest was making me so hot I could barely breathe, and it almost strangled me to death at night. It was like I had become Medusa and the snakes decided to rebel! Finally I had enough and decided to cut it all off again.  You see, in my naiveté, I thought if I did this, the new growth might be back to normal...not! Now it is just a shorter mop.

Aside from the waves and strange texture there is the color.  My hair came back darker than my natural color, and with more gray. And no, not salt and pepper gray that would look nice for my age, oh no, the gray came in the form of a bride of Frankenstein stripe dead center from the top of my head!  Trying to part the hair on the side is my way of hiding that stripe, so when it flips right back to a center part I know for sure it is mocking me!  

My new plan of attack is to let it grow to just between my jaw and my shoulder making it heavy enough to hold that side part.  Until then I am waging a war I know I can't win.  You know that old wive's tale about talking to your plants? Yes, in the mirror, I talk to my hair. I ask it why it is doing this to me.  I try to be nice and complimentary, even leave the conditioner in just a bit longer, brush it with love, to no avail.  As I stare at it, a stray hair will literally push it's way out in the wrong direction in complete defiance.  Resistance is futile...

That cruel joke I spoke of? Surviving breast cancer is the hardest battle to fight and win.  The aftermath is a complete loss of identity one must fight to find all over again.  We do not look the same in the mirror, from head to toe.  Everything about us has changed, both physically and mentally.  Our lives have changed. It gives us a chance to experiment with ourselves and try to find our new comfort zone.  I am still experimenting with the "new me" and while I have not yet settled in to this new identity,  I look forward to the journey.

The battle with my hair rages on...

Image provided by Pixabay.com